My Journey

I do want to live that big life the movies promised us. When the protagonist who was never loved properly and retreated into herself finally steps into the light and blows the whole world away. A list of doing everything prescribed, to be “whole”. The Goo Goo Dolls say is best, “I just want you to know who I am”.

I have learned it’s better to know myself and unapologetically walk the world. This knowing is what makes me finally truly feel more “whole”. What’s more, I didn’t buy anything, I didn’t cut anything from my diet, and I didn’t fit into some pants too small for me. My goal was to find HER, inside me. 

The leg of the journey to self-discovery is hard enough. But along that journey, we walk through miles of distractions of who this person inside of us “could” be and hoping for certain eventual manifested values and characteristics. And who knows how and where these ideas came from and who can speak to their validity? The distractions force us to be apprehensive when we finally find our true selves. Because the truth is, when our own selves fall short of the grace or the forces of nature we decided we would hold with consistency, we turn away from our true selves and try on another "superior" self, masking our truth. 

The journey to finding HER isn’t just about seeking HER out, the journey teaches us to choose who we are and accept all of who we are. The journey finds us standing tall in this bag of bones that is flawed and scarred, and that fails. As is our true nature. Acceptance is knowing and being kind enough to allow room for all truths as the beauty and magic that is HER. 

Choosing my true self against the distractions and not succumbing to the “should be” and “could be” is the long journey that continues daily. 

I am still living that fairy tale life, just because the birds aren't dressing me daily or that I have bills to pay doesn’t make it less the beautiful reality that is my own. Remembering that each day, isn’t happening currently. But the truth is, I have never felt more true to myself than I do right now.